


The Paradox of Time

by unkissed



Series: The Color of Deception [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blow Jobs, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Secret Relationship, Semi-Public Sex, Teacher-Student Relationship, sex and angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 08:30:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4341440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unkissed/pseuds/unkissed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teddy rather likes James this way – flippant, irreverent of limits, disregarding boundaries, living as if this heaven can exist outside in the real world.  So he lets James kiss him.   He lets James start what he can’t possibly finish before they have to swiftly break away and pretend that James is nothing more than a teacher’s pet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Paradox of Time

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [I want you to know](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3560027) by [ColorfulStabwound](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorfulStabwound/pseuds/ColorfulStabwound). 



> None of this would be possible without my friend, muse, and partner in fan fic crime, ColorfulStabwound.
> 
> For Jamie - the boy, the myth, the legend - the one Teddy will always want.

“The Paradox of Time”

 

 

Five years, seven months, and twenty-seven days.

 

This is the span of time that separates Teddy from James.

 

When one is a baby and the other is a young boy, Teddy feels so much bigger than James – that’s because he is, in every way. The span of time that separates the two of them feels like a wide ravine. 

 

When James is fifteen and Teddy is nearly twenty-one, one is not much bigger than the other anymore. But Teddy still feels that age gap like a chasm that can never be traversed – it is enough for him to consciously put more distance between himself and the other when James confesses his love for Teddy. 

 

By the time James is seventeen and Teddy stops fighting the inescapable affinity between them, five years, seven months, and twenty-seven days seems infinitesimal – a mere trickle of water beneath the bridge they have built together out of their intertwined lives.

 

The age difference may be negligible at this point, but the fact that Teddy is James’ teacher, and practically his brother, cannot be ignored.  So Teddy treads lightly through the first months of their secret relationship because he wants to keep his job and James’ parents’ respect.  But even more than that, Teddy doesn’t want to screw this up. James means more to Teddy than anything, and he’d rather take things slowly than watch this relationship burn up quickly in a passionate fireball like all of his previous ones.

 

But after a while, Teddy gets really fucking tired of saying _no_ to James every time things get too heated.  He is undeniably susceptible to all of James’ charms, of which he has many. So one day he stops saying _no_.  It is James’ eighteenth birthday, after all. From then on, everything changes. Teddy and James are on the same side of the divide.  The time that had separated them ceases to matter, but now time is significant in an entirely different way. 

 

This is the paradox of time.

 

With each passing day, time seems to pass more quickly than the next, like being in the narrow part of an hourglass, feeling the sand slip through.  Now, every second that they share between them is as precious as a diamond. Every minute they have together leaves them wanting more.  And time is swiftly running out.

 

 

~//~

 

 

It always starts like this. An innocuous kiss stolen in the seconds before the throng of Gryffindors pours into the classroom.

 

James is always early for Advanced Transfiguration, and Teddy can’t figure out how he does it – how he manages to beat his classmates to the room by at least two minutes. Because Teddy knows James’ schedule as well as he knows his own, he is aware that there really isn’t room for two minutes to spare.  And because James likes to be mysterious, regardless of the fact that Teddy knows James more than anybody does, James will never tell Teddy how he finds those extra minutes.

 

It doesn’t really matter. Teddy has learned to accept that James will give him everything, whether he can afford to or not, as long as Teddy asks, and even when he doesn’t.  James is belligerently generous that way, if only to Teddy. He had been this way long before the moment he pressed an uninvited kiss upon Teddy’s lips at age fifteen.   If Teddy would let him, James would give him more than he can reasonably give, until his store of love is depleted.

 

And that’s what Teddy is afraid of – that James will give until there is nothing left, and will find himself alone and empty when he’s pushed out into the world that lies beyond the castle walls. Secretly Teddy is just as genuinely selfish as James pretends to be.  He wants to gobble up every kiss with ravenous abandon, wants to siphon away his time and keep him sequestered within his arms, wants to fuck him with insatiable need until the heat inside James becomes an insurmountable addiction. Teddy is worried about where that would leave them when the summer comes.

 

Teddy has to be the adult in this relationship because he can see the inevitable, and he thinks he knows loss better than James does.  James can’t possibly understand how devastating it will be when he’s gone. Besides, Teddy rather likes James this way – flippant, irreverent of limits, disregarding boundaries, living as if this heaven can exist outside in the real world.

 

So he lets James kiss him before class. He lets the wetness of James’ mouth and the sweetness of James’ warm breath scramble his brain in the seconds before Teddy has to be meticulously on point with Ravenclaw accuracy. He lets the heat of James’ fingers scorch his skin with phantom fire that lingers for hours of unfulfilled need. He lets James start what he can’t possibly finish before they have to swiftly break away and pretend that James is nothing more than a teacher’s pet.

 

Most days, James is a good little Head Boy, and will not do anything to exacerbate the discomfort that he causes. In fact, he is such a doll that he’ll even help Teddy power through those moments of fogginess by wrangling him back on point.  _We were discussing the intricacies of Owl to Opera Glasses Transfiguration, Professor Lupin…  You were about to give us the answer to number 9 on the exam review sheet, Professor Lupin… We are supposed to continue reading chapter 16 today, Professor Lupin… Here, let me distribute those hand-outs for you, Professor Lupin._

 

A part of Teddy wishes that James would just stay on beyond seventh year to be his teaching assistant, but he will never entertain that level of selfishness.  He would never dream of even putting that thought into James’ head, lest he stifle his growth.  For James Sirius Potter was born of fire and hewn from light, and was never meant to be anything less than the brightest star, shining spectacularly in the heavens amongst legends.

 

 

Some days, James is not a very good little Head Boy.  And those days start exactly like this – with an innocent kiss.

 

Today James is particularly early. James somehow affords to give Teddy an entire five minutes of secret affection in the office that lies on the other side of a closed door at the front of Teddy’s classroom. James is perched on top of the desk while Teddy is sitting on the wooden swivel chair behind it. James leans over and drops a sweet little kiss upon Teddy’s lips. Teddy is about to pull away to lean back in his chair and ask James about weekend plans.  But Teddy doesn’t get that far. 

 

James cups Teddy’s cheek and purrs, “One more, baby.  You’ve got time,” before stealing another.

 

Teddy can’t refuse when James calls him _baby_ , or when he speaks in that low, gravely entitled drawl.  And then it’s not about Teddy’s time or James’ time anymore.  _One more_ becomes a trail of several little kisses along Teddy’s jawline that lead to the side of his neck.

 

The hand that had been holding Teddy’s cheek tangles gently in his hair, and Teddy has even less incentive to move away.  How such soft, doting kisses could be Teddy’s undoing is another one of James’ mysterious talents. Now Teddy’s face is feeling warm and his skin tingles with anticipation that he can’t afford to have right now.

 

James’ lips part and Teddy feels his hot breath upon him.  Then James’ teeth graze the shell of his ear.  It’s not even a nibble, but it makes Teddy shiver, and James quietly laughs with smug amusement, deeply in his throat.  James knows exactly what he does to Teddy.  That fact alone makes Teddy twitch in his trousers.

 

Teaching is going to be very hard today.

 

As if that’s not enough, James whispers a confession that completely unravels Teddy.  “I woke up thinking about you this morning. Couldn’t get you out of my head. I’m so hard for you right now, Teddy.”

 

A hot shade of pink bleeds from the roots of Teddy’s hair and reflects in the color of his cheeks. He bites his bottom lip to keep from smiling stupidly.

 

“It would take only a minute of your mouth on my cock, and I’d be coming hard down your throat.” James murmuring filthy things into Teddy’s ear makes him forget his responsibilities.  _Fuck_ , it could make him forget his damn name if James hadn’t said it in that delicious way.

 

Restraint is not an option. James makes that clear when he leans back, parts the panels of his Gryffindor robes, and reveals a formidable bulge tenting the front of his charcoal grey trousers.  He presses his palm against his lap, lets out a barely audible, needy whine, and flashes a look of unfettered desire at Teddy that makes him melt.

 

James groans wantonly, “Look at what you fucking do to me, you bastard… without even touching me.”

 

Teddy marvels at the power he somehow has over this boy – James Sirius, Gryffindor Extraordinaire, the boy with a perpetual unimpressed look on his face, except when he’s looking at Teddy… just like _that_.  It’s that look in James’ storm-blue eyes that makes Teddy break; that vulnerable, desperately needy expression of love – love so absolute that it’s terrifying. 

 

Teddy crushes his lips against James’ filthy mouth and his fingers fumble with James’ zipper, and he doesn’t even have to tell James to put up a warding spell on the door because James is on it fast like he never doubted Teddy would give in.

 

James has a cock that warrants his ego and justifies his divine right to demand a blowjob from a grown man. He has more in his pants than is reasonable for an eighteen-year-old that’s always horny.  Not that any of James’ attributes are modest. He’s big, bold, and brash in every way, and Teddy loves it more than he should.  Teddy curls his fingers around James’ erection and gazes up at him with his lip caught between his teeth as he plies James with firm, steady strokes.

 

James is the sort of person that doesn’t get excited by anything.  At least, that’s what James would like everyone to believe.  For everyone except Teddy, James exists in two states: bored and coolly amused.  But when he’s alone with Teddy, James’ state of boredom becomes anxious impatience, and aloof amusement transforms into the most beautiful display of delight. James doesn’t need to play it cool with Teddy, and that fact makes Teddy’s chest tighten with the pressure of his swollen heart.  And here is where Teddy truly becomes aware of his power – when just a little twist of the wrist and the deft swipe of a finger over slicked flesh send James reeling and thrusting keenly through Teddy’s fist. 

 

“You have three minutes and thirty seconds.  But you’ll be lucky if I last that long,” James informs him breathily.

 

Teddy has to chuckle at James’ eagerness disguised as keeping him on schedule.  “I’m counting on you to watch the clock, so try not to watch me, yeah?”

 

“Three minutes and twenty seconds,” James hisses upon a deftly applied stroke, “ _Fuck_ , I’m already so close.”

 

Teddy rolls the chair back from the desk to give himself room and quickly goes to task.  The taste of James’ pre-come blooms on his tongue as he takes the head in his mouth and slides his wet lips down the shaft. He has become rather adept at handling James’ impressive length, and taking it down to the hilt is not as daunting as it once was, though he can still feel his throat begin to close against the intrusion. He probably doesn’t have to work so hard at this point, but he does it anyway because it always earns him such affectionate praise when he makes a concerted effort.

 

“ _Oh gods_ , Teddy,” James whispers breathily, “You’re so fucking gorgeous on my cock.”

 

These words work like an incantation, inspiring an erection of his own that Teddy won’t dare pay attention to right now, despite its insistence.  _This was such a bad idea,_ says the tiny voice at the back of his mind at the same time that his arousal is screaming, _I can’t get enough of James’ dick_. He twists around the shaft as he moves his mouth back up towards the tip. 

 

“Watch the bloody clock, not your cock,” he reprimands James with a smirky little grin.  Maybe Teddy is just a little proud of himself.

 

“I’m on it; don’t fucking stop,” James whines, “One minute and forty seconds.”

 

Teddy applies his mouth in a quick rhythm, winding greedily around the turgid flesh, and strokes what he can’t easily fit inside.  James is so deliciously hard against Teddy’s swathing tongue, so perfect in shape and feel and flavor, so fucking beautiful in all his engorged glory, shining and slick with Teddy’s spit.  He can’t help but hum approvingly, wishing time would just stop so that he could worship James the way he deserves to be worshiped – with deep, dripping wet avarice.

 

James’ fingers comb lovingly through shocking pink hair, and then suddenly tighten, making Teddy’s scalp sting with alarm.  “ _Fuck_ don’t stop I’m gonna come.” 

 

James doesn’t even give Teddy an alternative to coming in his mouth.  James is just that entitled and that confident that Teddy wants every drop. And in those seconds that pound like drums with the rhythm of Teddy’s heart, he feels an ache deep in his chest – he wants to take everything from James and this desire is so consuming and concurrently conflicting that it hurts.

 

James thrusts upwards, deeper into Teddy’s mouth, then stills as tension reaches its tight peak. Sweet-briny-bitterness explodes hotly on Teddy’s tongue.  James’ harsh, panting breaths are a song that complements the thrum of Teddy’s heart. Teddy takes everything as James _gives, gives, gives_. And Teddy is in frustrated anguish because he let himself get in too deep, and now this will never be enough.

 

Nothing will ever be enough. Not now, not ever. Teddy wants James so completely, so absolutely, so urgently that he loses all other purpose but to love James.

 

The muffled sound of voices burns through the fog of lust, and Teddy becomes painfully aware that he has run out of time.  James’ chest is heaving and he is whispering swear words and slowly releasing his white-knuckle grasp on Teddy’s hair.

 

“Negative twelve seconds…” James pants out.

 

Teddy pulls away from James’ still firm prick, leans over the rubbish bin beside his desk, and spits out the remnants of James’ essence that he hadn’t managed to swallow – it had been a lot more than he could handle.  He’s still got a raging hard-on and James’ come still clinging sourly to his tongue. He looks much too obscene to present himself as a responsible adult to a classroom full of teenagers.

 

He reclines in his chair and dabs the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. “I need a minute,” he says with his eyes cast downward in shame.

 

James hops off the desk and stuffs himself back into his trousers with effort.  “Same,” he replies. 

 

Then his finger hooks under Teddy’s chin. “Hey, you alright?” James asks with noticeable concern.

 

Teddy gazes up at James with eyes that are still the color of deep violet desire.  “I can’t go out there.  I’m a mess,” he answers quietly, so disappointed in himself that it renders his voice to that of a disgraced wretch.

 

“ _You’re_ a mess?” James asks incredulously as he struggles to zip up his trousers. “Shit, I just busted a nut. I can barely stand.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Teddy mumbles somberly, “I shouldn’t have done that.  It was horribly irresponsible of me.”

 

“Hey,” James whispers affectionately, holding Teddy’s face in his hands.  “Don’t beat yourself up.  It was brilliant. Nobody’s going to bloody care that you start class a few minutes late.”  James presses soft, reassuring kisses upon Teddy’s lips.  “I love you.”

 

Teddy sighs against James’ mouth. “I love you too.”

 

They stay like this for a few heavy seconds, struggling to catch their breath while stealing kisses between panting.

 

“You’re helping, but you’re also not helping,” Teddy admits.

 

They both glance down at Teddy’s persistent erection poking at the front of his trousers.

 

“Damn, that looks good,” James mutters, letting his tongue brush over his bottom lip before catching it between his teeth, which also does not help Teddy.

 

Teddy flashes him a warning glare. “Don’t you dare, Jamie.”

 

James puts his hands up in surrender. “I’m won’t, I swear.” He moves back and steps around to the other side of the desk and begins to make random, unrelated statements. “Your gran in a saggy swimming costume. Pubic hair clogging the shower drain. Albie snogging that blond kid.”

 

Teddy gives him a sideways glance as he rises from his chair and adjusts the front of his trousers. “What are you on about?”

 

“I’m making you forget about your dick, dumb-arse,” James explains as if it had been terribly obvious. “A room full of dead babies. A room full of Slytherins. Professor Slughorn’s cabbage breath. My mum’s cooking.”

 

Teddy just has to laugh. “I’m meant to be distracted from thoughts of _you_ by thinking about things you find distasteful?  You’re adorable.”

 

“I’m really not helping, am I?” James’ question is more of a resigned statement.  Teddy shakes his head. As the sound of students filling the room on the other side of the door becomes a significant din, James slicks back his hair and proposes, “You trust me, yeah?  Let me handle this.  Stay here.”

 

Teddy reaches his hands out in alarmed protest, but James is already slipping through a very narrow opening he makes in the doorway.  Teddy hides behind the door with his fingers on the knob, ready to spring out and put a stop to any nonsense that will very likely ensue.  He’s also just a little mortified that James might slip up and say something that would raise suspicion.

 

But this is James, and the Head Boy didn’t become the most popular boy at school on the merit of his looks or his name.  James is terribly charismatic and persuasive all on his own, without needing to ride on his father’s coat tails.

 

Through the door, Teddy hears James addressing the class in that voice he puts on when he’s trying to be authoritative while still looking cool.  “Okay listen up.  Shut it for a second, everybody. I’m pleased to announce that Lupin’s got a massive migraine and can’t make it to class.”

 

The class erupts in celebratory hoots and feigned disappointed laments. Teddy’s eyes go wide and he gasps audibly deep in his throat.  He is about to burst into the room and reprimand James for being a prankster, but then James continues.

 

“Don’t get your cocks out just yet. He’s left an assignment for us. We are to read chapter 22 and write an essay detailing the problems that may arise with Non-edible to Edible Transfiguration, due by the end of the hour.”

 

Teddy grins.  He’s so impressed and in love with James that he could swoon. He bites back a giggle as the class groans in protest.

 

“Calm your tits, it’s just a bloody essay. Would you rather listen to an hour-long lecture on the topic?  I thought not.”

 

This should offend Teddy, but he’s still giddy like a schoolboy skiving off classes.

 

“Alright, get to work. I’m going to be in Lupin’s office grading tests for him, so nobody be a wanker, yeah?”

 

“Teacher’s pet,” somebody calls out in a singsong, mocking voice.

James laughs.  “Sod off, Sebastian.  You wish you were me.”

 

When he returns to the office, Teddy and James laugh behind their hands.  This feels like the mischief they would get up to when they were kids. Teddy wants to hang on to the wistful nostalgia of reliving their shared childhood while their present reality pokes bluntly, obstinately at the back of his mind.

 

“You’re bad,” Teddy says before biting his lip, trying to keep from smiling and reinforcing James’ terribly risky behavior.

 

“I’m a good boy,” James drawls, cornering Teddy with just the force of his sultry voice and his smug demeanor. “You heard Wood. I’m the teacher’s pet.” His palm finds the persistent bulge at the front of Teddy’s trousers.

 

Teddy takes a steadying breath and closes his eyes, lest he allow James’ seductive stare to persuade him. “You’re not the teacher’s pet.”

 

He feels James’ breath ghosting his jaw. “Yeah?  Well, who am I, then?  What am I to you?” 

 

This is more than flirtation. James is challenging Teddy to define what had been undefined since it began.  But Teddy won’t define it.  Once a name is put on it, their relationship comes with expectations and restraints. He can’t do that to himself or James when the future holds no hope for them.

 

Teddy replies hesitantly, “You’re my… my Jamie.”

 

“Fucking right, I’m yours,” James asserts quietly as his fist curls into the front of Teddy’s shirt, “And I just bought you an hour with which you can do whatever you please with me.”

 

Then James’ mouth is all over Teddy’s and he can’t bring himself to make him stop because James tastes like immortality and sin and home.  James breaks the kiss just briefly enough to flick his wand at the door, likely to replace the wards and put up a silencing charm.

 

“Jamie…” His name comes out as a shuddering sigh.  “We probably shouldn’t.” Teddy’s protest is half-arsed at best. The resurgence of his arousal and the return of James’ mouth are both effectively quieting that stubborn voice of reason.

 

The desk reprises its role in another obscene tableau. James is bent over the parchment-strewn surface with his robe and jumper discarded on the floor, his shirt pushed up to the small of his back, and his pants and trousers hanging down by his knees.  This is the filthy picture that has plagued Teddy’s fantasies long before their first kiss. It is a dream riddled with guilt and shame – and now that it’s come to life, Teddy can’t help but feel the same way. So even when he’s swiftly unbuckling his belt and taking out his aching cock, he does it with trepidation that runs deeper than the fear of getting caught.

 

This is the fear of ruining everything. The fear of besmirching what little innocence James has left.  The fear of their relationship becoming all about sex and not about love. The fear of becoming that dirty, old pervert fucking a boy five years, seven months, and twenty-seven days younger.

 

And James makes it damn impossible to practice restraint of any sort. He’s so delicious and dirty that it would inspire the most virtuous man to sully himself with hot, sweaty, iniquity. James puts two fingers in his mouth and they come out shining wet.  He runs those fingers against his blushing hole in a vulgar presentation and moans imploringly, “Fuck me, Teddy.”

 

Teddy can’t help but _take, take, take_ despite his internal moral dilemma. James is so invitingly tight and warm as Teddy sinks in deep.  Teddy has to pause and admire the obscene beauty of their bodies joined so intimately. While he’s in to the hilt with his fingers splayed over James’ quidditch-perfected arse that’s unbelievably all _his_ , he has to will his hips to keep still just so he can commit this to memory and save it for the lonely days that are to come.

 

James is always impatient and needy. When he wants something, he wants it _bad_ and he wants it _now_.  It has always been this way, and Teddy has always been compelled to give it to him. “Please,” James keens softly.

 

This isn’t making love - at least it doesn’t feel pure enough to be that wholesome.  But that’s not what either of them wants now. Not when they’re rushed, not when everybody on the other side of the door would never understand. This is _fucking_ , hard and fast, with skin-smacking force at an anxious pace, in a gasping race to get off.  If Teddy needed to justify it, and really he doesn’t right now, he could say that they will do it sweet and slow some other time, when they have the privacy and hours to spend on languid love making.  But really, neither of them know this for sure.  This could be their last.

 

It will end sooner than they both want, like a harsh reflection of their entire relationship.  Teddy feels it approaching quickly like an unstoppable, brutal, inevitable force.  Teddy pulls back slowly, savoring the wet slide.  He holds on to James’ hips so hard that the skin beneath his fingers blanches. He presses in just beyond the head, pulsing shallowly, knowing that if he does this _just right_ , he’ll hit that spot inside of James that’ll send him to heaven.

 

James glances over his shoulder, furrowing his brow.  “Don’t tease me, you fucking bastard,” he whispers petulantly.

 

Teddy can only smirk. He applies a series short, precise, upwards thrusts that make James screw his eyes shut and swear.  Before Teddy can prevent it, James’ come splatters the papers on the desk.  Teddy panics, but is too far gone to do anything about it, for his release follows quickly in a violent surge of blinding bliss. 

 

The world goes too bright white behind his closed eyelids and Teddy knows, without a doubt, that he will always want this – he and James conjoined and stupidly in love, forever. And it hurts more intensely than the perfect pleasure that James gives him.

 

 

 

There will be a time, mere days from now, when James will lie naked beside Teddy in his private quarters, panting, and more spent than he is now.  Shining in the tempestuous blue of his eyes, will be _that look_ – that look of love that is absolute and unwavering. He will breathlessly speak the words that Teddy is most afraid of hearing.

 

“I will always be yours.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
